My Health

So lately weird things have been going on with me. Random dizziness, not being able to feel my toe, and extreme side ache pains. I know, I should get myself checked. Because, yes, it is possible for me to have diabetes and with the side ache pain (which happened like 3 days ago), it said if the pain was hurting for a long amount of time (I had it the whole day) and if the pain reached up to your right shoulder (it was my right side, right shoulder and chest), then to immediately go to the doctors. Did I do that? No. It’s stubborn of me to not want to get a check up.. But for the past year or two I’ve been having weird stuff happening to me and I never get it checked. I just fear about money. And I fear about what if something is really wrong? Like what if I have to go through surgery, and frequent visits to the doctors. What if I have something serious? You know, I sometimes have this mindset of “well if it’s time to go, then it’s time to go” but while Edwin was reading the symptoms and telling me that we should go to the doctors right at that moment, I was extremely scared. I don’t want to lie in a hospital bed suffering in pain. I don’t want to all of a sudden be noticed by all these random people that I know and asking me questions like “How are you feeling? When was the last time you went to the doctors?” And then wanting to spend time with me out of pity because I’m “sick”. I don’t want that pity attention, and I don’t want every conversation that I have to be based on my health. IF there is  something wrong with me, and IF people were to know, I’d want them to treat me the same way they treat me today. Meaning, if we aren’t close today and the only reason why they’d want to be close to me after I (hypothetically) find out i’m sick is because they don’t want to regret not knowing me at all, and because they pity me, then don’t even bother trying to know me at all. If I was sick, all I can say is, everyone has an opportunity to get to know someone better. Don’t wait until there’s something to feel sorry about for them. But yea, I don’t know when I’ll go to the doctors. Plus, all of these pains and symptoms are probably false alarms (highly doubt it). And I’m trying my best to not have anyone worried. I don’t want anyone to worry. Especially the people I love.